I have been sharing tips and how-tos on this blog, but now I would like to share with you my journey on finding God amidst motherhood.
As some people would know, I have been a believer in Christ all my life–studying in a Catholic school, being part of different religious organizations, serving in a Christian church and ministries, and all.
But all these, I did for myself. For my glory, not God’s.
So and when I realized that I was giving and giving but not getting anything anymore, I turned to different things.
This did not happen instantaneously. I slowly slipped away from God, looking for temporary happiness, until I got lost.
But with God’s grace, I found my way back in an unexpected way: by being a mother.
So if you lost your way too, this post is for you.
I was stuck in a rut for the past few days, months, even years.
There were times when I just want the world, the time, everything, to stop.
There were times when I don’t want to get up anymore.
Then I’ll cherish the times when I was still that career woman with big dreams.
During that time, I had my life planned ahead of me as an ambitious goal-getter.
I was supposed to shape up and improve myself, so I can pursue the career that I was eyeing.
I was going to get that Master’s degree and travel the world with the person that I love.
But this tiny human came. And my life turned upside down.
Sharing my body with him was not even a quarter of the struggles.
I was often seen smiling, but really, I was battling my demons inside.
As an exhausted breastfeeding mom, I was forced to get by with the sleepless nights and sore breasts.
As an unwed daughter living with her parents, I felt helpless whenever blamed for my circumstances, as if I don’t blame myself too.
As a worried mother who has to return to work after a couple of months, I realized that people won’t truly understand.
As a brokenhearted woman, I saw my dream of having a complete family crumbling in front of me.
As an anxious mom fighting postpartum depression, I cried every single night while my toddler cries at the same time.
And that was my turning point.
With nothing to hold on to, with no one to go to, I turned to God, and He gave me comfort.
I surrendered all to God, and He made my worries fade away.
I lifted up my weary heart, and He gave me rest and peace of mind.
I prayed for guidance, and He made me see my purpose.
So, as a believer who accepted God as her savior, I fought and is still fighting every single day with God’s grace.
Yes, I still get stuck every now and then.
But I can’t make the world, the time, and everything else to stop.
So I have to get up, after cherishing the old times, then be grateful on how God led me to where I am now.
Whenever I get weary and lost, I pray to God then I’ll look at the tiny creature lying beside me.
His hands are so small, yet he holds a huge part of my heart
His face is so innocent, yet he changed my life drastically.
Because he gave my life a new purpose.
Because he made me turn back to God.
And he is my little yet greatest blessing.